First time at Watershed? Returning to The Gorge? We have all the secrets you need to know whether you’re a Watershed professional or a rookie Shedder.
1. If you are too drunk to find your way back to your campsite and your food… the elastic waistband from your underwear makes a perfect slingshot to hunt for small game.
2. Perform this simple test to see if you should be on the “buddy system” at Watershed. Shine a light into your ear. If the beam shines out the other ear…. Find a friend to share the experience with. You shouldn’t be alone.
3. The urgency of a late night bathroom trip is directly proportional to how tough it is to get out of your sleeping bag multiplied by the distance from your tent to the Watershed restrooms. Math is hard… Kat says just “pop a squat”.
4. An effective way of compressing your sleeping bag into its three times too small stuff sack is: running over it a few times with your truck.
5. If you feel the urge to seek revenge against your camp neighbor for stealing your alcohol… Kat the squatter says: Pee next to THEIR tent not your own.
6. First rule of Watershed… start setting up camp BEFORE you start drinking.
7. Don’t drink anything called a Stump Lifter… especially if it’s offered to you by a shirtless man. You WILL fall down and you WILL get scars on your face.
8. Collect quarters like it’s 1982 and you’re in a Pac Man tournament… Most of the showers at Watershed: Coin-Op.
9. Your BRA is your best pocket. Remember that, sir.
10. No matter how much you LOVE Eric Church… don’t cry. This isn’t a Justin Bieber concert.
11. THE surefire way to get one of the artists to come back to your campsite to party is to have access to a helicopter and make sure your “campsite” is at the 4 Seasons in downtown Seattle.
12. ALWAYS look at the floor near the bar. Drunks drop money. That’s not the only thing that hits the ground at Watershed… Sooooooooooo
13. SNEAKERS, SNEAKERS, SNEAKERS… boots are too hot. Flip flops? Remember there’s stuff on the ground.
14. Don’t be that guy… If the person next to you falls down. Yes… laugh at them first but then, help them up.
15. Don’t “Crowd Surf”. This isn’t a Limp Bizkit concert. Plus you don’t want to find out too late that no one wants to catch you.
16. People in sleeping bags are the Soft Tacos to the bear world. Don’t worry… there are no bears at Watershed.
17. Welcome to Watershed… Where even the heat is sick of the HEAT. So please HYDRATE… with WATER and not with a drink called a Mind Eraser.
18. If you hook up with someone while camping at Watershed it’ll be in….. tents.